Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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