Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
