I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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