Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
