Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
