she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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