Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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