So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
