rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
