Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
