This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
