Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
