C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
