I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
