She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Text me some of your sweat
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
