Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
