i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
