Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
