i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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