In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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