Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
