Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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