U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
