There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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