sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
