Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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