dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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