I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
