Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
No subtext here. People are naked.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Boobs are out for the taking
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
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