literally had 100 drinks last night.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
