you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
