I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
