Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
