You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
