Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
