Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
