Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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