I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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