i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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