who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize
