I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We talked him into tasing himself.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Randomize
