She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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