I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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