i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
