I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
