she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
