dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
