its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
