I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
