Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Girls should come with a carfax report
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
